The secret to a happy marriage is to center God in everything you do or long for. It was the word of God which led us into this marriage and it is still the word of God which is guiding us along the way. Our marriage is far from perfect (just like any other marriage) but definitely worth fighting for. We learn and we try to get better at being a husband and wife everyday. Read the following five Biblical keys for a happy marriage.
1. Find someone who is in God
Before you get married make sure that your future husband or wife is in God. The most intimate relationship you will have in life should be with the person you choose to be your partner. Don’t just settle for someone you ‘like’ or someone who looks ‘attractive’ to you. Strive for someone who has the charachter to be a (wo)man of God. Not many meet the criteria prior to getting married, however it is something you should strive for prior to getting married and during your marriage.
‘Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord.’ – Psalm 128:4 AMPC
‘A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman – who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.’ – Proverbs 31:10 AMPC
2. Learn about the needs of a (wo)man
I learned about this key the hard way during our marriage. The definition of love for a woman differs from the definition of love for a man. For example, if I bring home a box of chocolate with a big smile to my husband after a long day of work he will laugh at me. He won’t be able to appreciate the meaning of my gift. This is opposite to the reaction of a woman receiving such a gift from her man. As a woman I would feel special because my husband thinks of me. I find small gifts very attractive. A woman will value the little things you do for her everyday much more than big presents on special occasions.
A man finds respect, his job and intimacy much more important. Ladies, don’t say no every time your man asks to be intimate, even when you don’t feel like it. Make sure to put in the effort to look good for your man (also when you are busy doing chores around the house). Trust me that your man will be happy to come home to his fine wife.
And last, but certainly not least, a man should love his wife like Christ loves the church. A man should take care of his wife. The things that are the most dear to a woman are often her children and the home. A wife should have the option to get a job or start a business if she likes to and she should not feel obligated to provide for her family. The obligation to provide for the family is the job of a man. A man should constantly ask his wife what she needs and cater to that need. Because that is what God meant when he said that a man should leave his father and his mother and ‘cleave’ to his wife.
3. Fornication is forbidden
Trust and betrayal. The first one (trust) takes a lifetime to gain and the second one (betrayal) can happen in a split second and ruin your life and that of your family. The greatest sin within a marriage is betrayal.
I can be very short about this key. Just don’t do it (the opposite to the Nike slogan). Make sure you are trustworthy and monogamy should be a no brainer. I am very aware of the fact that this is very hard for men to accept. To the men reading this: take the word of God as your armor. For example if porn is your weakness. Please do everything possible within your reach to ban everything related to porn.
The reason for the fact that fornication is forbidden has to do with the path to a divorce. God doesn’t want divorce to happen. The only legitimate reason for a divorce is when one of the partners has committed fornication.
‘And some Pharisees came up, and in order to test Him, asked, Is it lawful for a man to dismiss and repudiate and divorce his wife? He answered them, What did Moses command you? They replied, Moses allowed a bill off divorce and to put her away (Deut. 24:1-4). But Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart [your condition of insesibility to the call of God] he wrote you this precept in your Law. But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female (Gen. 1:27; 5:2). For this reason a man shall leave (behind) his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently. An the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. (Gen. 2:24). What therefore God has united (joined together), let no man seperate or divide.’ – Mark 10: 2-9
4. Make time for eachother
Contrary to popular belief not love or lust but hard work makes a marriage work. You must be willing to do things you don’t like just for the other person. If your spouse likes to watch football games or go to the theater, just go.
An eye-opener related to this subject is the definition of love according to the word of God. This is a subject that I will need to cover in a seperate article. So stay tuned for that…
5. Just the two of you
Your marriage should only be about you and your husband/wife. Don’t let the opinion of your parents, kids, friends, siblings or in-laws interfere with the dialogue you have with your partner.
With that being said – enjoy being together – with just the two of you. Celebrate your union and fight against the storms that try to break your marriage.
